Thinking back

In two days, my baby girl will be 9. It is hard to remember what life was like before her. Many of my friends know our struggles with getting Shelly here. Shelly being here is a total God thing. It all started in 1997 when Greg and I had the aching painful feeling of wanting a baby. Back then I said I walked right with Christ, but in all honestly, I only walked with Him when things went my way.

We tried to months, months led to a year. So I went to see my gynecologist and she referred me to a fertility specialist. After months of tests, it was determined that I could not ovulate. So, the next step was to pump me up full of pills to make me ovulate. In January of 1998 we found out that we were pregnant. Within a month, I was already showing and was very sick. I went in for an ultrasound and found out there were 3 strong heartbeats and possibly had a 4th, but was already dissolved. Immediately we were sent to a high rick specialist. At the time, I was only 90 pounds and was told through ultrasound that I had 1/4 of a cervix, for normal women, a normal cervix should be at least 1 inch of depth. Immediately we were told I would not carry and that I should abort immediately.

Again, my faith wasn't that great but I knew that an abortion was out of the question. So, we went along with the pregnancy knowing that we would not bring our babies home alive. Long about 16 weeks,we found out there were 2 girls and 1 boy, but again, did not plan for them. The more they grew, the more their personalities came out. Baby c, (which we thought was the boy) was so feisty and kicked for space all of the time.

Long about 22 weeks, my problems were getting worse and I was in and out of the hospital that whole week. We found out at that time that there were actually 3 girls and no boy.

Then at 23 weeks, I was rushed to a hospital about a hour 1/2 away because I had twin twin transfusion and I was in the beginning stages of labor and also had a deep uterine infection. I fought with all my might to keep my baby girls in. I was hanging upside down pumped up so full of drugs I don't even recall remembering my name. On June 3rd, 1998, Rose(baby a) died in utero. There was still hope though. They thought she would slide right out and my cervix would close ad I would keep the other 2 girls in for at least 1 more week. Unfortunately, that was not what God had in mind for us.. His plan was so much better, I just chose not to see it at the time.

Then at 5:00 am on June 4th, Racheal and Regan were born both just under 1 pound. I was so doped up on meds that I couldn't handle seeing them. My Mom, Greg, and my mother-in-law all choose to see them. Rose and Racheal looked just like Greg, and Regan looked just liked me (explains the fiestyness early on). By 10:00 am that same morning, I signed myself out and Greg drove me home. I was fine for the first month, but as the months went on, I liked to drink...really really liked to drink. I was drunk all of the time. All the while I was fat, and was so engorged that I had to pump milk everyday. Bitterness turned to anger. The deep rooted anger that became a thorn in our marriage. I hated Greg for seeing the girls. I hated him for betraying me. I hated the fact that he thought it was ok to move on as I was barley keeping up minute by minute. The truth was, I hated myself. I hated the pain that God caused us. Why?? What had I done wrong? I was the perfect pregnant Mom to be. Was this payback for my teenage years?

Through all of my anger and hatred, Greg had left, and I was alone. Where was my God? The truth was, as you already know the answer to this, He was there the whole time. He waited patiently for me to come back to Him. He loved me and wanted me to trust in Him whole-heartily. He wanted me to take delight in Him.

Remember when I said I was fat and still pumping? Also, I was drunk every night.... well on Thanksgiving of that same year, 1998, I was just feeling quite right but figured it was all of the drinking, no biggie. Well, by Christmas, I was back into my maternity clothes, but again just thought it was because of over indulging on the heavy drinks. Went to Target, no big deal.... bought a pregnancy test for no particular reason...for no reason at all, while talking to my Mom on the phone, peed on the stick...yup sure enough, that stick was bright pink before I was done going to the bathroom. Glad I was sitting down, because I would have fainted! I called Greg where he was staying and asked him to come over that I needed to talk to him.

On December 23rd. 1998, it was confirmed that I was pregnant with only 1 baby!!!! We went through pretty much the same routine as before with the exception that we did prepare! We found out that our baby was another girl and her name was going to be Rochelle Anne. We had an amazingly uneventful pregnancy. I got huge, mainly due to just coming off of a pregnancy. We figured I because pregnant within 6 weeks after having the girls. I had testing done on her because of all of my drinking and praise God she was totally a healthy baby.

Due to my cervical problems, we decided that I would need to deliver once she got to 5 pounds which was at 36 weeks. Everything was set to go for a June 25th delivery date.

We checked in on the morning of June 25th with all of our family and got word that I had group A strep and that Rochelle's lungs had been compromised. We needed to put me on bed rest and keep her in for as long as possible. They sent me home and by that night, I was in full labor with my water leaking all over the place. So, off we went.....

Rochelle was born at 5:04 om on June 26th weighting a tiny 5'10 and was very sick. Praise God that I had to idea how serious she was. She had an infection that threw her into respiratory distress and a blood disorder equivalent to Sickle Cell Anemia. That's right!!! With no African American heritage in us at all. I had no idea how sick she was and how close we came to loosing her. I believe God protected me from all of that. It was a long road for our girl. I was allowed to see her the next morning and the minute I saw her, the nurse said you must be Shelly's parents!! We were never going to call her Shelly. Never say never...God always has something else in mind when we say never. She was so tiny, so sick, and so beautiful. She looked just like her daddy. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on.

On July 19th, little Shelly came home with us!!! She has no lasting effects of her trauma and the Anemia disorder is poof. A total God thing. All gone!!!

Our tiny little girl is now 4'9, almost 80 pounds. You would never know her history.

I don't know if I was meant to be her Mom but I know she was meant to be in my life. Shelly is the image of Christ. She loves God with all of her little heart. Sad to say, she knows way more than I do about the bible. She was born to Glorify God and bring others to His Kingdom.

Thank you Lord, for the gift of life. Thank you for Shelly. I pray that I continue to raise her the way You would have me raise her. She is yours.

Driving

One thing I took for granted before my tailbone incident was driving.... (also bending over, but that is another storey.) Greg MADE me drive the other day because he is leaving town this week and he wants me to be abe to move while is is away. So.....against my will and judgement, I drove like a little old lady to the mall. I did fine while driving but are any of you aware of the muscles used while driving. Remember guys, I am pretty physically fit and active, but driving with a sore bottom is torture!! My right leg was so sore that I did not have fun at the mall! In order for me to get back in the car, I had to plant my bottom in the passenger side and refuse to move.
We got home and I was so sleepy and sore. I couldn't even go to church last night. Yes, I was the big fat skipper. Now today, is a very lazy Sunday. Greg leaves in the morning which I am sad about. He will only be gone for two days, but he doesn't go away very often. Who will listen to me whine???

The great thing about being home this past week was catching up on my Racheal Ray recipes. I have a stock pile of recipes. Too bad I am not into cooking. I will one day......

Just reading...

I get so excited when I get on Blogger.com and read all of my friends new postings. All of my friends have new updates and I enjoy reading them all. I am encouraged by what they write. My friend Teri has wonderful news for us that had God's work written all over it. Do we serve an awesome God or what???

I am on day 3 of my teenage fall. I got up, put makeup on, fixed my hair and ventured out again today. Slowly, step by step, I am moving around. Against doctors orders, I drove to Publix today (only 2 miles away). I was in pain, but praise God that my daughter went with me and she is such an encouragement. Her birthday is next week and I am getting nervous because we are hosting 8 girls for an American Idol party.We have lots to do including cleaning our home.

I mentioned in a previous post that I was reading Satisfy My Thirsty Soul by Linda Dillow. This weeks lesson focused on bowing my words to Christ. "Do not grieve and sadden the Holy Spirit by my rotten garbage talk." This is much easier said than done. My challenge for the week is to encourage the people closest to me with encouraging words. I am to bathe then in encouragement all week. I am replacing all of the nasty things I would want to say with all positive words. I tell you what, Greg thinks it is the medicine talking. He's not sure what is going on. This is very difficult for me since I am a "glass half empty kind of person." Every time I replace a negative with a positive, I know I am pleasing God.

My key verse for the week comes from James 3:9-10 With the tongue I praise my Lord and Father, and with it I curse me, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing, this should not be.

Day Two

Today is day two of my "teenage incident" I have had natural childbirth, a cesarean birth and a hysterectomy. All three of which are painful, but nothing, nothing compares to a tailbone injury. I can't Even sit on the toilet without moaning in pain. I feel like such a baby. In my last post I said that I use to think that I tolerated pain, well that is all out of the window.

I finally got out of bed to take a shower this morning. Greg and Shelly were so ready for me to clean up. Once I was in, I didn't want to get out. The warm water running down my back felt so wonderful. I also fixed my hair and put a little makeup on.

My wonderful mother-in-law picked Shelly and I up and took us to lunch and than we did a little shopping. Just in a short time I was done, exhausted. As my mother-in-law drove us back home, it was all I could do to hold my eyes open.

I just took my meds and I am off to bed!!! Yeah.....

Summer Fun

The hospital is loving the Wexell's this summer. We have been on summer vacation for less than a month and we have already spent two nights in the ER. The first time was few weeks ago when Shelly got stung by a caterpillar. Apparently there are poisonous caterpillars that sting in Florida. Her hands turned bright red and swelled up. So, that was our first adventure of the summer season. To this day, she is still having some slight problems from the sting. She still has vomiting tendencies, (not sure why) could be anxiety.
Then last night I thought I was going to be a super rollerblader and took off down the street. I made it four houses down before I went down. I fell right on my bottom and was unable to move. I prayed" Ok Lord, it is just you and I , please get me home" and I crawled my way home. I called my husband and then went our second adventure to the hospital. I felt like an idiot. Praise God that I didn't break any bones. My tailbone is bruised up and the Er doc sent my scans to a bone specialist just to be sure he didn't miss anything. So here while typing, I lay on my stomach in massive pain. I am unable to walk or sit. Honestly, the older I get, the less tolerable to pain I become. Anytime I move around the bed, I whimper like a newborn baby. I know Greg is just holding it all in, just waiting for this to be over so he can belt out in laughter. I just know I will not hear the end of this from him. I am eagerly awaiting the jokes once I am better.

Through all of our family fun, I praise God during this time. It could be worse, it could be in school season and just think of all the time I would be off!!!

Finally

It has been 2 months since my last update. I always let the end of the school year get the best of my emotions, actions, thoughts, and all of my energy. I did however, accomplish one big thing since my last update, I finished reading "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. Only took me one year to complete. What a read. A dear friend of mine encouraged me to read it and not only read it, but study the words. She sent me a quote well over a year ago that came straight out of the book....

I am here....(in this job, in this family, in this circumstance.....)

• By God's appointment


• In His keeping


• Under His training


• For His time

So I will trust Him as the Blessed Controller of all things and I will.......

• Follow Him endlessly


• Love Him passionately


• Believe Him tenaciously

After finishing the book, I am now on to "Satisfy My Thirsty Soul", also by Linda Dillow. So far, it is a great read.

On to other summer news, a very dear friend of mine who inspired me to blog has moved away. We certainly by no mean were best friends, but she is someone special to me. Her smile and laughter was contagious. She did the best impressions. There were times she had us laughing so hard at lunch that I would sometimes have tears running down my face. She is the second person I did a 30 prayer vigil for. My heart ached on our last working day together. God is good.....her husband now has a great job and she is much closer to her Mom as she anticipates her late summer delivery of her baby girl. I am looking forward to all of those updates girl...keep um coming.

Finally, Shelly and I are looking forward to our summer trip up north. It was a sudden decision as we were not going to leave the state for the summer due to high gas prices. That all changed one night as Greg, Shelly and I watched the movie "P.S. I Love You." This movie was very personal to me as it was about a husband and wife madly in love with one another. Then the next scene of the movie, he was gone. Dead of a brain tumor. It went all down hill from there. The things that the wife did( I can't remember her name) were what my Mom did after my Dad died. Seriously, I don't remember much of the move because I cried the whole time. This movie mirrored my Mom. So... this is the reason for needing to go be with her. I miss my Mom terribly. Words cannot describe the pain of living hundreds of miles away from her. I am so excited to be going up to Illinois to visit her.